I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
