That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
