I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
