Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There's always time for handjobs
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
