Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it was like eating out sand paper
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
