Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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