You work out of a Hotel?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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