he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
