careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
