He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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