when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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