The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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