Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
