I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
