do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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