you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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