he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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