I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
