batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize