Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
