Banned from zoo.
Again?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
