this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
