Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
