i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
