They should really pass out barf bags in church
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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