a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops