i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay