You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
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We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
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The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.