I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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