I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?