he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.