It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
