Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
4 words: hood of his car
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
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You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
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Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?