Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
