Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
