u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I want her autograph on my taint
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
