I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Randomize
