just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
no. you can't hotbox the world.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
