I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
