And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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