They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
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