he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
