Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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