i think my mom watched the whole time
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
