So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
