TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
