i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
