FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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