i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
