I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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