i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
