Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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