your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
