Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
