i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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