fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I had to cum in my sink.
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