I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
