She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
