It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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