Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
