She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
zippers are such a cool invention
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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