Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
