she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
