Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
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Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
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I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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