Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
