How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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