so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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