you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
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i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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