so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
