Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
