That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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