you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
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You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
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alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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