some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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