Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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