if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
