the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
