So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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