wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
