I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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